Well, I am feeling very restricted, because, I am restricted. So many things I wanna say but I can't. SO many.
Feeling so insecure and helpless. TO begin with, I may seem to be the kind with initiative. The kind with so much peserverence. I dunno what people are thinking?
Someone told me off, saying why am I not like myself. Why am I not acting like how I always do?

How am I suppose to when I have no support. I don't feel the support and trust. I may open easily, like I always say, but for me to trust is a seperate issue. It may be a fast process, it may be slow. But it doesn't matter. I may be open, but I may not be comfortable. When I am open, I may not know where to draw the line.

I am indeed @ my limit.
I don't blame anyone. Its just me.
Insecurity I guess. Topped up with jealousy.

I don't really know if that will bring me anywhere at this rate. From the very start, the only problem I had with my SIP, I was alone as in no one I know in the company. I needed the moral support, even if it was like a do your best kind of thing. From someone I trust. Someone I am comfortable with.

Loneliness is painful.
Unable to express myself as well.

I might just need someone to talk to, but I don't know who. I don't know my limit any more. I can move, but I need someone to watch my back. I am weak when alone. I really am.

stress is just piling up. I don't want to run any more. I don't want to. I want help. I am no longer gonna keep quiet. I want help. I will ask for it. Silent suffering is painful. Expressing with no expression. Jealousy created from nature.